freaking mad

8:45 AM


i can not sleep.
bloody freaking mad at myself right now.
i should have just patiently wait for Wednesday to come. but i didn't.

it's torturing to wait for the day to come.
so i read New Moon again..
'ala, just for a head start before seeing it on-screen', i said to myself.
i should have stopped reading after the first chapter.
but i did not. what an idiot.
the thing is, i've read this book already, all 3 of them [i skipped Twilight because i've seen the movie] but why oh why i'm stupid enough to re-read all over again..?
[oh sebab saya seorang yang pelupa. kononnya nak ingat balik jalan cerita New Moon. ngong betul lah x__X.]
and hell, what was i thinking..??
it's like i'm purposely try to revisit my old-self. the one that i want to forget. the agony that i don't even want to remember..

suddenly i feel like it's a big mistake to watch New Moon.
i am not sure if i can bring myself to see Bella when Edward left her.. T__T

remember when i told ya before, that i can relate myself with Bella when she was lost..?
it was when her father (Charlie) told Alice this:

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was… empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things–she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash.

She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out–she was avoiding everything that might remind her of… him. "

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her–the littlest things would make her flinch–and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something."

"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling."

"It was night of the living dead around here.."

oh boy, why does it sounds so familiar..?
my hand was trembling, and i shed tears when i read that.
(tapi tau tak, sebenarnya sangat sedeh sebab aku lagi kesian dekat ayah Bella- instead of Bella herself.. he was so concern of Bella~)

no worries.
i AM DEFINITELY going to watch New Moon this Wednesday.
i like Jacob. A LOT. tall, dark and handsome.
and not to forget, mr. sunshine! ^__^
so i hope to see him in action- being a wolf. haha.
owh suddenly feeling excited pula.
pastu kejap suka Edward. kejap lagi suka Jacob. walhal dah tahu dah kesudahan yang sampai semua orang bertukar jadi vampire kot. oopsss. 'ter'spill. haha.jangan risau, lambattttt lagi part yang itu.hihi.

owh what a relief after blogging it all out.
i should go to sleep now.
nite nite.

"when u get your heart broken, u are not dead. but you wish you were.."

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